How to avoid being stuck when starting over

Starting over can bring on a tidal wave of fears and uncertainty. As a species, we find comfort and security in routines and predictability—even when what we cling to is detrimental, abusive, or just plain unfulfilling.

As a species, we find comfort and security in routines and predictability—even when what we cling to is detrimental, abusive, or just plain unfulfilling.

Yes, there is something to be said about meeting our obligations and responsibilities that sometimes makes our choice to stay in a place (literally and metaphorically) that doesn’t speak to our passion feel more like a sacrifice and less a divine calling from God. Undoubtedly, willful sacrifices are a crucial part of our development and evolution as a society (Like Jack and Rose, only one could fit and that darn door).

However, for the lucky ones who get the opportunity to make a change, follow their passion, realize their dreams, and use their natural talents, why do so many choose to stay firmly planted in misery and blah?

Because starting over is scary. 

I have experienced this paralyzing fear a few times. I once came to these crossroads when deciding on my next step as a nurse. More specifically, would I go on to graduate school to become a nurse practitioner, expanding upon my years of experience with the award of a busy in-demand career, but in a field that I was never truly in love with? Or, would I take a leap of faith and attend graduate school to study for a new profession I have felt drawn to, and in some ways preparing for, my entire life? The choice may seem obvious (especially since we all know how this story ends), yet there were so many reasons why this decision was profoundly difficult to make, most of all being the fear of failure. 

Like so many others on the verge of change, we can get sucked into the vortex of doubt, frozen in place, and seduced by the security of routine and predictability.

Occasionally, the adventurous few who do make the leap outside of their circle of safety and security can find themselves stuck in a relentless cycle of “research.” Research and planning are good, even necessary, and it can make all the difference when you build your foundation with bricks instead of sand.

Unfortunately, when not careful, the research phase can become a pseudo security blanket keeping you from actually launching into the next phase of your plan. Doing! 

In our attempts to mitigate all the possible outcomes that could lead to failure and feeling heartbreaking disappointment, we also block ourselves from experiencing success.

So, how does someone overcome the fears and uncertainty that come with starting over?

·      Call out the fears that are bouncing around in your mind. They’re there rather you recognize them or not. You will ease the added dread of the unknown when you acknowledge its existence.

“Extreme fear can neither fight nor fly"—Shakespeare

·      Build your team. Don’t go at this alone. Even the best-laid plans will have their obstacles. Having a supportive friend, family member, coach, or mentor is important. Like it or not, we all need a cheerleader in our lives (spirit fingers are optional, and if you're my cheerleader, they’re highly discouraged).

·      Remember what FEAR stands for. False Evidence Appearing Real. Look for the evidence that supports your thinking. What experiences in your past directly speak to your fear of failure today? Alternatively, what experiences from your past support the likelihood of your eventual success? 

·      Set a timeline. Set aside time specifically for research and planning. Once it is done (like the first time, not time 7,331), it’s time to move. 

·      Set realistic expectations and short-term goals. While everyone dreams of being that huge overnight success, life rarely works that way. Even the smallest of gains is a gain. Give yourself credit and celebrate all the victories. You finished your website? Score! You wrote one paragraph for your business plan? Score! You finally started drinking water like a responsible adult, diluting your bloodstream of the consistent stream of Diet Coke that has been feeding it for the past 20 years? Score…at least for today, and I’ll take it.

·      Keep moving forward. The adventure of starting over will inevitably come with challenges along the way, don’t stop. 

Over the years, I have navigated my way through my new career as a therapist and often debated my next move. Stepping out into the unknown is still scary, but I accept that I cannot have all the answers all the time and that it’s okay to trust in my training and preparation. I am where I was born to be; it just took me a little longer to get here. 

Deep breath, folks. We got this. 

Click to learn more about easy coping skills for stress and anxiety.